Beka crossed her arms over her chest defiantly, staring at the food sitting on her lap as if it was an enemy she needed to defeat. She wished she could have some coffee, which contained no calories but still gave her energy, but Trance had blatantly refused. The purple woman was currently conversing with Harper, their voices hushed and inaudible, assuring Beka they were undoubtedly talking about her. She grabbed the plate with a sigh and put it down on the floor next to her and then proceeded to get more comfortable on the bed. She closed her eyes and yawned. Somehow even after sleeping all night as well as most of the day she was still tired. Before she could drift back to sleep though, Trance marched up to her with a determined look crossing her face. Harper followed in her wake, though a little reluctantly.
“Beka…” he said in a sad voice, “have you ever heard of anorexia?” Beka gave him a quizzical look.
“Huh?” He swallowed.
“Well, that’s what it’s called. What you’re doing.” Beka rolled her eyes.
“Oh really?” she replied sarcastically, “and I could have sworn it was called ‘laying on a bed’.” She immediately regretted her words as Harper took a small step back and looked almost as if she’d punched him. It wasn’t his fault, after all, was it? However, Beka figured he did try to make her eat, which made him her enemy…right? What was this anorexia anyway? Just Harper’s ramblings? Trance’s lips suddenly pursed tightly and she stuck her nose up a bit.
“Well, if you’re not going to eat I’ll have to sedate you and put you on an IV,” she said, a little snobbishly. “I have to get some food into you and I will get food into you even if I have to force it.” Her voice suddenly took on a softer tone. “However, if you eat all the food on this plate I’ll let you go back to the Maru.” Beka’s eyes widened. IV? Trance could put as many calories as she wanted into her blood stream, and there’d be nothing she could do about it. She thought for a second and came up with an idea.
“Ok,” she said quickly, “I’ll eat the food. Can I have it alone though?” Trance, obviously anticipating this move, shook her head.
“No,” she said, “one of us will stay and watch you so you don’t just hide it.” Beka’s heart fell and she bit her lip. Ok, so she’d have to think of another way.
“Why would I hide it?” she tried. Trance just raised an eyebrow.
“Oh let’s see,” she said, uncharacteristically sarcastic, “because you’ve been starving yourself for months and months, so much you’re now dangerously underweight. Lying to me about having a miscarriage. Getting so drunk you can’t walk. I wouldn’t put hiding food past you.” Beka blushed heavily, but decided she didn’t want to see Trance anymore.
“Ok,” she said quietly, “Harper can stay. As long as you promise I can go straight to the Maru after, alone.” Trance thought for a second.
“Yes,” she agreed, ready to say anything to get Beka to eat. “Harper can walk you there, but you can stay there on your own.” She deliberately didn’t tell Beka how long she could stay there. The purple pixie wasn’t stupid. She knew just because Beka ate now it wouldn’t mean everything was fine. For now, however, getting Beka to eat was the most important thing. She gave her the plate and smiled, then left the room. Beka glanced over at Harper, who had pulled up a chair and was watching her sadly. A pang of unhappiness hit Beka, and she felt a bit like a child being reprimanded. She grabbed the fork and lifted it up with a small amount of food on it. Her hand shivered involuntarily and she fought to steady it.
“Are you ok, Beka?” Harper’s voice came silently. She nodded and quickly put the food in her mouth, fighting not to gag. She clenched her eyes shut as she forced herself to swallow. She quickly hurried to down the rest of the food, trying not to think of it. Harper smiled happily at her as she finished the last of it. “There, that wasn’t too bad, was it?” he chirped. “Do you want to go to the Maru now?” She nodded quickly and got up from the bed. Trance waited outside and smiled happily as Harper gave her an affirming nod. They walked to the Maru in silence and when they got there, Beka quickly said goodbye to Harper and entered the Maru, heading for the bathroom.
****
Harper turned around to leave, but something didn’t feel right. He’d seen Beka eat the meal, but she’d looked so sad when she did it. As if that little meal would ruin her life. He didn’t understand it. He kept walking away, but his body was screaming at him to turn back and find her. Eventually he gave in, running into the Maru. He heard noises from the bathroom and went there as quickly as he could, but the sight that met him stopped him dead in his tracks. Beka was kneeling at the toilet with her fingers stuck down her throat, throwing all the food she’d eaten back up again. He gave a gasp and she stopped retching, turning around with tears in her eyes.
“Harper?” she whispered, but he couldn’t reply, just staring at her in shock. Had she just made herself sick? Throwing up that little food she’d eaten? “Harper,” she pleaded, “I…I couldn’t help it. It’s probably just because I haven’t eaten in a while, so my stomach rejects it. I’ll eat some more if you want me to, just please don’t tell Trance.” He shook his head.
“Beka you’re lying,” he said, surprising himself with the calmness of his voice. “You had your fingers down your throat. You made yourself sick intentionally. Why?” Beka stuttered something incoherent, and Harper sighed, wishing he didn’t have to do what he had to do. “We’re going back to med bay,” he said, looking away so he wouldn’t have to see the expression on her face. “I have to tell Trance about this, and she’ll probably put you on IV.” He looked down at the floor, his voice turning pleading. “I’m only doing this because I love you,” he said silently. One day, maybe she’d believe it.
