That day would not be today, which Harper was painfully aware of as Beka pushed past him and the feel of her bony body again sent him trembling, giving her something of a head start. He turned around with a pleading look, but she’d already gone.
“Don’t be stupid,” he pleaded as he started looking, “you know we’re only trying to help you.” There was no answer and Harper now wasn’t entirely sure where Beka had gone. He decided to try a new tactic. “Ok I won’t take you to med bay and I won’t tell Trance, as long as you eat something else and don’t throw it up.” He listened carefully but couldn’t hear a sound. “Please, Beka. If you’re anything like I know you to be, you’ll come out now. If not,” he pulled in a breath as he voiced the threat he wasn’t sure he’d be able to go through with, “I’ll have to call the others in here to help me find you, and Trance will sedate you and put you on IV.” No matter how much it pained him to say it, he knew it’d get her attention. “Or,” he continued, “you could come out now, just have a small meal and I’ll stay here with you to make sure you keep it down…and we can pretend that never happened.” He sighed. “Um…and I’ll neglect to tell Trance about what happened…and I’ll tell her you ate some more when I asked you.” This seemed to get Beka’s attention, though he was really stretching what he was ready to do. Neglecting to inform Trance of Beka throwing up was bad enough, but right out lying to her?
“Will you?” a small voice asked him as Beka’s head poked out from a hiding place he never even knew existed. He paused for a second. How easy would it be to grab her now and pull her off to med bay? But then again, wouldn’t it also be wrong? Harper was no counsellor, and all he knew about anorexia was the small amounts of information he’d read up on the day before, but he wasn’t stupid. If he dragged her off to med bay now she’d never trust him again. And if he could get her to trust him with this it would be a great thing. He decided that he’d have to stay by his word.
“Yes, I will. After all, it’s not exactly lying is it?” He smirked slightly. “Just…selective truth.” It was a good point. He wouldn’t exactly be lying to Trance, if Beka did eat some more tonight he’d tell her that. He’d just neglect to tell her the rest of it. She slowly got out and grabbed his hand to help her up. He put an arm protectively around her and led her to her bunk, where she gratefully sat down. “I’ll just get you something now, shall I?” She pretended not to hear him as her fingers twitched nervously. He went to the auto chef, thinking carefully about what to choose. She needed nourishment, but from what he’d learnt the night before, it would be cruel to make her eat something very rich. He finally settled on a small, simple chicken salad. It was light, but the chicken contained the proteins she so desperately needed. Well, she needed fat and carbohydrates, and lots of it, but he imagined she’d need to be weaned back on food, and this would be a good way to start. On a whim, he also grabbed one of the precious boxes of chocolates he’d stowed away. He gently gave her the small plate along with a large glass of water, then sat down next to her, leaning back against the pillows. She started picking at her food, not absent-mindedly as she usually did, but instead the concentration was written across her face. She grabbed the fork and started chewing on the lettuce. Harper relaxed slightly and started sucking on the chocolates, almost moaning in pleasure as they exploded in his mouth. Chocolates weren’t easy to come by, and normally he’d save them for special occasions, but to him, this came down as one. He wasn’t so deluded as to think she’d actually have one, but maybe, just maybe, if he was actually eating something so much more fattening than she was, it might make it easier for her.
He still didn’t get it. No matter how much information Andromeda had on the disease, she couldn’t tell him what he mostly wanted to know. Why Beka? There had never been anything wrong with her body, and even if there was, he’d never known her to care. Why was she suddenly now craving to look like a starving Earth child? Hell, she’d gone past that point. He glanced over at her and saw she was slowly, but surely getting through the lettuce leaves. He wasn’t sure if she’d eaten any chicken yet, but he pledged not to let her off. He’d been very generous in this deal with her, and he would be damned if she didn’t keep her end of the bargain. As she started to slow down considerably he grabbed her bowl and fork, grimly noticing she’d left nearly all the chicken. He impaled a couple of pieces onto her fork and held it up close to her mouth. She raised an eyebrow.
“Harper, what are you doing?” He smirked mischievously, hoping to make a joke of it.
“Feeding you,” he teased, “come on. One bite for Uncle Harper.” She hesitated for a second, then grabbed the fork back, nibbling slightly at the end of the chicken. Harper’s heart fell. Would it be a good idea to get Trance to put her on an IV? Only a few minutes ago it had seemed like a clear no, but suddenly he wasn’t so sure anymore. If it was so hard for her to eat, maybe this was crueller than just putting the nutrients into her blood stream. Seeing the fear on her face as she desperately tried to eat the chicken as slowly as she could, he couldn’t do it anymore. He knew he’d hate himself for it, but he grabbed her bowl and put it away.
“It’s ok,” he sighed. “Just eat that bit on your fork and I’ll let you off. This time,” he added as she looked at him gratefully. Nevertheless, it still took her a few minutes to actually finish the chicken on her fork before she leant back, nearly crushing Harper’s chocolates.
“Hey,” he said jokingly, “be careful! Those are hard to come by, you know.” She grabbed them and handed them to him apologetically.
“Sorry.”
“You want one?” He regretted the words the moment they left his lips. Why did he have to say that? She looked away.
“Harper…” Her voice was thicker, hiding away from him again. He hesitantly put a hand lightly on her shoulder.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” She shook her head.
“It’s ok,” she whispered. “I…I’m kind of tired. Do you mind if I go to bed?” He shook his head. Rest was probably a good thing anyway.
“Of course not. But remember I said I was staying to make sure…you know.” She blushed heavily.
“I won’t,” she said. He comfortingly rubbed her back.
“I know,” he admitted, not entirely sure if that was true. “But I’m staying anyway, all right?” He wasn’t sure where he was going to stay. He was tired too, but he didn’t want to leave her side, and he really doubted she’d want him to stay on the bunk with her. Maybe a while back it wouldn’t have mattered, but things were still strained between them after their dinner date where she stormed out on him. “Um…where would you prefer I stay?” She sighed.
“I guess you’ll have to stay on the bunk with me,” she said. She didn’t look too uncomfortable with it. It did make sense after all, sleeping on the floor didn’t sound all that nice. He nodded, trying to make it seem like nothing.
“Nothing we haven’t done before,” he said lightly and she nodded. It was true, but things had been different then. There hadn’t been all that…tension between them.
As they got ready to go to sleep, backs politely turned to each other as they got changed, Harper’s thoughts on the disastrous night had been reawakened and were now very hard to put back to sleep. As he laid down in the bed, careful not to touch her so to give her the personal space she almost radiated need of, he couldn’t stop wondering why. She’d rushed out on him and then in the bar she’d seemed almost like she was coming onto him. He couldn’t quite figure out what was wrong, and while he knew what a bad time it would be to ask, he couldn’t help himself.
“Beka?” he said carefully. “Can I ask you something?”
