When Harper woke up, the bunk felt strangely empty. Squinting as he opened his eyes, he found Beka had gone. He looked around him but couldn’t see her.
“Beka?” he called as he walked out towards the cockpit, hoping she hadn’t done a runner on him again. He was glad to find her slumped in the chair, still in her pyjamas, cradling a cup in her hands. Was she drinking something? Surely that was a good thing…right? She turned to him and grinned.
“Um, you might want to…” she gestured at him and Harper suddenly noticed he was still in his underwear. With a small “Oh” as she giggled at him, he retreated back to the crew quarters and dressed himself before returning.
“Do you want some coffee?” she asked cheerfully. Was she actually happy or just acting? Harper wasn’t sure. He swallowed before dropping his bomb.
“I was actually going to make some breakfast,” he said, attempting to sound casual as his heart drummed in his chest. Beka looked crestfallen as her cheerful façade dropped. Harper sighed. He never knew what to do in these situations? Did he comfort her? Scold her? Pretend everything was fine? He couldn’t exactly pause her for a minute while he went and looked it up. He decided to ignore her for now and walked out to make some breakfast. This turned out to be a harder task than he’d first imagined. “What do I make?” he asked himself. “Well, ok, what do I get the auto chef to make?” He couldn’t give her lettuce forever, but he didn’t want to make it too hard. He thought for a second. “Omelettes,” he decided. Eggs were good…and probably not too fattening. “Well, I don’t really know, but I’m sure Beka will,” he thought cynically. He could even sneak some cheese in, just a little, disguise it among the eggs.
****
“Come on,” he whined, “at this pace it’s going to take you until lunchtime!” She gave him an embarrassed look as she picked at the food, cutting it into tiny little bits with her fork and moving it around the plate. Had she even eaten anything? He thought she had, but he wasn’t sure, and he didn’t want to stare. It did look like there was less on the plate though, but that could just be down to her mad food game. He sighed as he put his plate down on the floor, having finished his meal a long time ago. “I need to talk to you,” he said and swallowed. “Seriously.” She suddenly became very interested in the food on her plate, cutting it even smaller and studying all the little bits closely. He wasn’t sure where to start, and she certainly wasn’t making it easy for him.
He finally stood up, walking towards her, but stopping halfway, trying to keep his distance somewhat. She turned her face away from him and he didn’t need to see her face to know what her expression was.
“You have to eat it,” he pleaded. “If you don’t like it, I can get you something else. Anything. As long as you eat.” He quickly added; “You can’t just eat salad though. But I’ll get you anything else.” She didn’t reply, and for a moment Harper almost thought she hadn’t heard him before she got up and started walking away slowly. He followed her back to the crew quarters, where she gave him a disgruntled look.
“Harper, I…” he broke her off before she could continue.
“Please. When I look at you I just…you’re so thin it scares me! You have to put on weight! When I saw you in the bar with…with your top off, I was horrified.” She turned away from him, curling up in a ball and he took a step towards her but she shook her head violently.
“Just go,” she whispered. He withdrew the hand he had been moving towards her and sighed.
“Do you really want me to go?” he asked and she nodded. “Ok,” he sighed, “I will…but…I’ll come back, ok?” There was no reply and as he left the room, she never moved.
****
“I don’t know what to do Trance!” Harper was taking all his feelings out on the purple pixie and she was feeling a little intimidated.
“Well, we need to…” He wasn’t listening. Striding back and forth in the room, he mumbled incoherently. She rushed up and stood in front of him, causing him to bump into her. “Harper, listen!” she cried as she stomped her foot on the floor. He seemed to come out of his daze and look at her. She sighed. “Finally. It will work out, ok Harper? You obviously upset her because you started talking about her weight and the way she looked.” He gave her a confused look.
“But she thinks she’s fat, right? So…I told her she’s really thin. How could that upset her?” Trance sighed.
“Because she won’t believe you. You can tell her however many times you like, and I can tell her, and everyone else can tell her, but she won’t believe it. We have to get her out of her obsession with body image. We have to try to put her mind off it, get her to think of other things. The important thing is not to try and make her think she’s thin, it’s to try and get her to care more about other things, and realise her body is not important. Only then, when she’s not obsessed can she also realise she’s not fat.”
“And when will that happen?” Harper asked hopefully. Trance sighed.
“Some people never recover Harper. I can’t make any promises because she might stay like this until it kills her. She could make a partial recovery where she’d be all right, but probably always have problems with self image and also might stay underweight. And it’s also quite possible she’ll be all right eventually and be able to maintain a healthy weight. But the process takes years. It’s a lot harder to get rid off than it is to start.” He sank down on the floor and buried his face in his hands as she continued. “There are some things we need to do though. If we lived on a planet, the government would put her in an institution where there’d be fully qualified personnel to deal with the situation.” Harper’s head jerked up and he gave her a dangerous look.
“You’re not suggesting we…” She shook her head quickly.
“No, Harper, I’m not. But we all have to accept this is not just going to go away. I’d like you to get her in here for an assessment later today.”
“She doesn’t even want to see me right now.” Trance shrugged.
“You upset her then, she wanted to be alone. Has she eaten anything today?” Harper shook his head guiltily.
“I…we did have breakfast but she didn’t eat much. And, well, I think I sort of ruined the whole thing anyway with my big mouth.”
“Don’t blame yourself Harper. Guilt is a wasted emotion, as Tyr would say. Just…go back now and bring her here when she’s ready.” She paused for a second. “Well, when she’s remotely ready,” she changed her mind. Harper sighed and stood up, preparing to return to the Maru.
This was not going to be easy.
