Beka woke up with a big yawn. Her stomach was rumbling slightly and she threw it an irritated glance as she got out of bed. When she’d first stopped eating she had felt hungry a lot, then it had stopped, and now when her body had got used to food again, she was feeling hungry. But she could ignore it. It wasn’t like it was hard, the feeling of eating got to her a lot more than the hunger pains. As she had got rid of lunch yesterday and then refused to eat dinner, her stomach was very empty, but she knew she wouldn’t feel hungry for too long. She looked around her, wondering where Harper had gone. Work? No, she knew his shifts like the back of her hand, and this wasn’t his shift. Not that it bothered her, of course not, but he usually told her if he was going somewhere.
“I don’t need a babysitter,” she said out loud to herself, “I really don’t care where Harper’s gone.” But then again, maybe they were in some sort of trouble. She decided she’d better check. She quickly got dressed in the sweater she had always worn before and a pair of the trousers she’d bought on that drift, forcing them to stay up with a belt. If she lost more weight, she was going to have to get some new ones. Hopefully she could though, those had been teens, hadn’t they? Although that shop did just have stupid sizes. She’d find another one, and if she couldn’t do that, she could always alter the ones she had. It wasn’t like she didn’t have enough time on her hands. The thought made her fume. She’d asked, begged, pleaded with Dylan to go back to duty, but he referred to Trance, who kept repeating that when she had reached seven stones she could go back on very light duty. Shaking her head, she left the Maru.
“Andromeda, where’s Harper?” Of course she was only asking out of curiousity and concern that there might be something wrong with him. Of course it didn’t bother her that he’d left…while she was sleeping…without saying…anything. Of course not.
“Harper is in the obs deck with my avatar.” Beka paled at least three shades, which made her look like a sheet of paper.
“Oh,” she finally stuttered. Ok, they were doing repairs or something. Or talking about an upgrade. “What are they doing?” Not that it bothered her of course, she was just curious.
“Unknown,” came the reply, “they have engaged privacy mode.” Had it been physically possible, Beka would have paled even more, but as it was, she just started trembling. Not even bothering to thank Andromeda, she ran back in the Maru, trying her hardest to stay cool and unbothered. Still, even though she couldn’t imagine why, tears were quickly running down her cheeks.
****
“So, I’m glad you’ve come to see me.”
“You are???” Harper was surprised as Rommie nodded. A million times he had thought how stupid this was, that he didn’t need counselling and that Rommie’d think he was stupid for talking to her.
“Yep. I was hoping you would ever since this started, but I wanted you to do it out of your own initiative. You know, this kind of illness, any bad illness, is not just hard on the victim, but also on the people around them. You are the person closest to her, so you would be the most affected. Well, aside from Beka that is.”
“Yeah, how is she doing? I mean, in your counselling sessions, what do you…talk about?” He was afraid to ask, but so many times he’d wished to be a fly on the wall in their sessions. Beka wouldn’t talk to him about it, and he wanted so badly to know what was going on in her head. Rommie put on a mock stern expression.
“Why, Harper, you wouldn’t want me to gossip about what you say here, would you?” She looked more serious. “No, honestly, it’s confidential. I’ve had to promise her over and over again that I won’t tell anyone what she tells me, and I have to keep that promise. Unless, of course, she tells me she’s planning to blow me up. In which case I would tell.” Harper gave a dutiful giggle at Rommie’s bad joke.
“Did Trance tell you anything when she asked if I could come here?”
“Well, she did tell me the circumstances of your current…feelings. I think we should talk about that.” He had guessed this might happen.
“What’s there to say? I know what I feel but I won’t act on it because it might be harmful, blahdediblah.” She sighed.
“Can we drop Beka for a second? I want to talk about you, about your feelings.”
“I don’t need to talk about me feelings! I know what they are!”
“Harper, I know you love her, of course you do but…being in love, it’s a very different thing.” He looked hurt.
“You’re one to talk Miss ‘Oh Gabriel I’ve only just met you but let’s run away together’,” he mumbled. Rommie frowned.
“Harper, that was out of order.”
“I know. I’m sorry I just got…sorry.”
“Ok, I know your feelings are a turmoil right now, so I’ll forgive you. Harper, have you considered how sudden this has come on? And that there could be a possibility that you’re mistaking friendly love along with a big chunk of concern and a need to care for her with romantic feelings?”
“It’s not really that sudden,” he admitted. She raised an eyebrow, unprepared for this.
“Oh?”
“Well…it was after it had started, I’m pretty sure, but before we knew about it. Well, that was when I began to admit it to myself anyway. I’m not sure how long it’s been going on subconsciously. Anyway, I didn’t know she was…well, you know, then and I asked her to dinner. I don’t think she realised I asked her to dinner in that way cause she looked pretty shocked. And then…I kissed her.” Rommie looked quite shocked herself.
“You kissed her? When was this?”
“Quite a while back now. Before she passed out on that drift, remember? Anyway, I think she thought I kissed her because I felt sorry for her. Divine knows how she figured that!”
“Well,” Rommie said, “if this was going on back then, which, judging by the weight loss, it was, she probably just felt so horribly unattractive that she thought no one could possibly want to kiss her out of free will.”
“Probably,” Harper muttered, “but that all just makes me think, maybe I should tell her, because if I don’t she’ll keep thinking it was pity and…”
“Harper,” Rommie sighed, “look I know it’s hard ok, but you will be able to tell her eventually. She needs to be happy in herself, being able to eat normally and not obsess over her weight because she’s comfortable with who she is. Not because you love her. Also, I think you need some time to sort out your feelings.” Harper sighed.
“I’ve told you…”
“Yes, I know, you told me, you don’t need to sort them out, etc etc. But what if you tell her you love her and then realise that you were mistaken. Imagine the dilemma you’d be in.”
“Well, yes, ok, that would be bad, but I won’t…” Rommie buried her face in her hands.
“Harper! Just…please.”
“Ok, ok.” He sat back, preparing to talk some more and sort out his already sorted out feelings.
