She woke up and started sitting up in bed, but soon realising with a pang of misery where she was. She laid back down again and pulled the covers over her head. No point in getting out of bed really, was there? Where was she going to go? She wasn’t even allowed to go out on her own, so her two choices were to stay in bed all day, or go down and “socialise” with the staff and patients, or as she preferred to call them, prisoners, of the hospital. Not exactly a hard choice. She hugged the pillows and cuddled them tightly. She’d stay there. She could stay there forever, never leaving. It didn’t matter that her new bedroom was quite small, or that there was absolutely nothing to do because she’d never be doing anything anyway. She wouldn’t ever, ever move again. Staying wrapped up where no one could touch her seemed like a very good idea.
She still couldn’t believe they’d thrown her there. All the “for her own good” crap, she didn’t believe it. They just didn’t want her anymore. Her choices didn’t appeal to them so they’d thrown her aside as if she was just a useless piece of rubbish. Which, of course, they were totally right about. She was. She just wished they didn’t think so when they were meant to be her friends. Nuzzling her face into the pillow she ignored the fact Harper had come to see her. Thinking about the rest of her friends hurt enough, thinking about him…it was unbearable.
Still, he’d be happy now, wouldn’t he? She couldn’t blame him if he was. If you were just in a new relationship you wouldn’t want to have to worry about someone else, especially if you were under the delusion they couldn’t find out about your relationship. Must have been nice for him to be rid of her. She let the pillow absorb her tears as she pushed further into it, wishing she could just sink into it and never reappear again. At least she could just stay in bed forever. It would be quiet, warm, and maybe she could forget there was a world outside…
…or at least, she might have been able to, if it wasn’t for the knocking on her door. As per usual, she ignored it and eventually, the door opened. She pressed down onto the mattress, stupidly hoping they might think she wasn’t there. A small pat on her shoulder alerted her that this plan of hers hadn’t worked.
“Hello there.” It was a deep male voice and she gave him a small muffled noise in reply. He continued as if it was a normal conversation and one of the participants was not hiding under a duvet cover. “I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Nurse Reiss, but you can call me Nathaniel. I’m to be your careworker while you are here.” Beka replied from under the covers.
“What about the other lady?”
“Liz? Yeah you can talk to her as well if you want but I’m your designated careworker.” She peeked out of the covers to take a look at him, trying her best not to let him see she’d been crying. If he did, he didn’t take notice. Probably common practice.
He was tall and dark, though the term “tall, dark and handsome” certainly wouldn’t apply. Still, she wasn’t there to pick up and really, she couldn’t care less what he looked like. Even if he was the most gorgeous hunk that side of Tarn Vedra she just wanted him out.
“Ok, that’s nice. Can you leave now?” He chuckled slightly.
“Very to the point, aren’t you? I can sense you and I are going to have some fun…anyhow, I came up here to take you down to breakfast…normally you’ll be required to go down on your own but as this is your first morning here…” Her eyes widened and she groaned. Oh yes. Meals. That was why she was there, wasn’t it? Somehow, the reason why she had to be there had totally slipped her mind. Eating. Right. She cringed. Dinner the night before had been terrible, they’d given her this mountain of food and expected her to eat it. Ok, so maybe it wasn’t a mountain to a normal person, but it sure felt like it. Harper had always given her small portions and if she really didn’t want to finish, he’d let her off. He wouldn’t let her not eat at all, but he had been quite nice about it. Liz had been very supportive, but dead strict. She was not leaving that table until she had finished her food. It had taken all that she had not to cry right there, but her Valentineology had taken over in the end. That kind of first impression wasn’t exactly the “tough chick” image she liked to have.
Still, she’d probably sat there trying to eat it for two hours or so, and now the procedure needed to be repeated again? She didn’t like the thought. Not at all. She reluctantly left the warmth of her bed and got dressed while he waited outside. Walking down the stairs she felt her legs trembling, so badly not wanting a repeat of yesterday. She wished she could have a normal breakfast, well the breakfasts she used to have while Harper was still staying with her…a grapefruit or a sandwich. Her heart quickly sank when Liz handed her a tray. She did get her grapefruit, as well as two sandwiches, a bowl of porridge with milk and a large glass of orange juice. She was about to ask pleadingly whether she really had to eat all of that, but knew there was no point. She’d done that yesterday.
As she sat down at the table, she realised something. She didn’t have to eat that food. She didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to do. Sure, she’d be made to sit at that table until she did, but it didn’t really bother her. She had nothing better to do, and she might as well be sitting there as anywhere else. Besides, they wouldn’t make her sit there forever. Maybe for a few hours or so, but eventually they’d give up. The longest she’d have to stay was until bedtime when no prisoners, sorry, patients, were allowed downstairs anyway. She could sit on a chair for that long. And anyway, now that she thought about it, she could swear she had heard you weren’t allowed to go to your bedroom in the daytime anyway, something about “not isolating yourself”. So it seemed whatever she did, she’d be sitting somewhere all day anyway. Might as well be right there.
“Ain’t you eatin’, luv?” She was confused as to how Liz could manage to always stay so cheerful. By this time most of the other people had finished their breakfasts and left the table. Beka had taken a stubborn pose, leaning back in the chair with her arms crossed, her food slightly pushed away. She didn’t answer the question. Liz sighed. “Well, that porridge will be cold by now, should I heat it up for you?” Beka shrugged and Liz took the bowl and walked into the kitchen.
Two hours and about five heat-ups later, Beka was no closer to finishing her meal than she had been when it was first given to her. She was almost nodding off in her chair, not finding her “punishment” for not eating too bad at all. She hadn’t managed to get Liz to lose any of her cheerfulness though she wondered if the older woman might be wishing to strangle her behind her back. She heard a knock on the door and then muffled voices. She strained her ears to hear what was being said.
“…well, it ain’t really visitin’ hours, luv.”
“I know but…I guess I’m just hoping she’ll see me.” Harper?
“Actually…well she ain’t exactly cooperatin’, know what I mean? Maybe you could ‘elp me out.” She heard footsteps coming her way and immediately looked down at the floor. Someone sat down opposite her at the table.
“Beka?” His voice was soft and she couldn’t help looking up. He was staring at her tray. “Wow…that’s a lot of food you’ve got there.” Somehow his words made her want to cry and she bit her lip to stop that from happening.
“I know,” she mumbled, “I’m not touching it. I’ve never eaten so much in my life. I couldn’t eat all that, not even…” She stopped, unsure of what exactly she was planning to say. He hurried to fill the silence.
“Oh I could,” he said, “and still be hungry an hour later!” That brought a smile to her lips. It was true, she’d never seen anyone who could eat like Harper.
“You never made me eat this much,” she whispered, and immediately regretted the display of weakness.
“No, I didn’t,” he admitted, “but…these people are professionals so they know…don’t they?” She shrugged. “This porridge doesn’t look too nice,” he said and wrinkled his nose. “It seems to have grown quite a thick skin.” She dared a small smile.
“It’s been…warmed up. Five times.” He chuckled slightly.
“Tell you what, why don’t you leave the porridge and have the rest of it? That wouldn’t be too bad, would it?” She hesitated.
“I was kind of planning to just refuse…” He tilted his head.
“Please? For my sake?” She bit her lip.
“I don’t know…”
“Beka, maybe you’ll get away with not eating today, but if you don’t…you’re going to stay here forever! I don’t know about you but…I’d miss you. Hell, I miss you already. It’s really empty without you and…I just want you to come back.” She saw his eyes looking shiny and she gave him a nervous look.
“You really mean that?” she asked in a small voice.
“I do! So will you please eat something so you can come home?” She hesitated and then picked up the sandwich and started nibbling at it. He smiled and exchanged a glance with Liz in the doorway. She gave him a praising nod and he looked back at Beka who was slowly getting through the sandwich. Something told him everything would be all right again.
