Trance broke out in a smile as she looked up at Beka, who was nervously twiddling her fingers and biting her lip.
“Congratulations Beka,” Trance said happily. “Eight stones and ten pounds. You just crawled over the finish line to a normal weight.” Beka couldn’t suppress a smile, and didn’t try to. What she did try to suppress were that anxiety creeping up on her again, just like every other time Trance told her she’d put on weight. Luckily, it had been a slow onset and she’d had time to get used to it. Still, it didn’t feel like she had. The prospect was daunting, welcome, yet very scary.
“Thank you Trance.” It didn’t come out quite as she meant it to. She was grateful, she was happy, but there was this whole other part of her that was screaming. She wanted to sound happy, which she was, but it came out weak and faint.
“How are you feeling, are you all right with this?” She opened her mouth to say yes, but stopped herself at the last moment. For the last several months she’d learnt that pretending things were fine really wasn’t the strategy. Sure, it worked for her in a lot of cases, sometimes it was even the best solution, but in this case…no.
“Not really,” she admitted. “Or well, yes, of course I am. I am happy Trance, I just…I guess I’m confused.”
“Well,” Trance said, “don’t worry, it’s completely understandable. Why don’t you talk to Rommie about it next time you see her? The good news are, while I do want to keep an eye on your weight to make sure it doesn’t drop, you won’t have to come here every week anymore, and you can go back on full duty shifts.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. Things will get back to normal, Beka. It has been going that way so far, hasn’t it?”
“Yes but…it does feel better now, it’s not that. But I’m not sure it’ll ever be good if you know what I mean. I mean, if it will ever get back to how it was.”
“I won’t lie to you,” Trance sighed, “it might not. But it will get better and better the more you fight it. I promise.”
****
“So, how are you feeling about this?” Rommie asked.
“Are you kidding? It’s great! I mean, I’m not even sure why I’m here right now. I don’t need to be here, I need to be out there…celebrating! Or I don’t know…I knew this was going to happen soon, it’s not that, but now that it has, I just feel…”
“It’s ok Harper, take it easy,” she smiled. “I take it you’re excited then?”
“Excited…the word just isn’t enough, Rommie, I’m…maybe I should go now.” He got out of his chair and halfway out of the room before she could say anything.
“No, Harper, wait. I think there’s something else we need to talk about.” He turned around, frowning.
“What’s that?”
“Sit down.” Reluctantly, as if every second spent in the room was an unnecessary waste of time, he returned to his chair and looked at her expectantly.
“Well?”
“You know how we said it was a bad time for you to initiate a relationship?”
“Yes?”
“Well, I don’t believe that’s applicable anymore.”
“Meaning?”
“Beka’s gone back to a normal weight, and though Trance would still like her to put on more weight, she’s going back to her normal duties and…”
“Rommie, please, get to the point.”
“I don’t think that now would be such a bad time to pursue a relationship.” He was silent for a moment while taking the information in.
“You serious?” Rommie waited briefly to see if this was merely a reaction or an actual question. Following his quizzical gaze, she presumed the latter.
“Yes Harper, I am,” she confirmed, putting his out of his misery. “I’d advise you to take it easy, but I don’t think it would be harmful to try this out now. Please though, be careful. If it goes badly it might very well end up in another relapse.”
“Wow. No pressure,”Harper mumbled.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Rommie explained, “I’m just expressing my concerns. However, you can’t just be scared all the time, you have to try new things. And I’m not expecting it to go badly. Not at all. I’m just advising to take it slowly just in case.”
“No, I get it. It’ll be all right Rommie, I promise.”
“And sex could be…”
“Rommie, please,” he said sharply. “One step at a time, ok?”
