He traced lazy circles across her stomach as she slept, savouring the moment as much as he could. Had she been awake she wouldn’t have let him swoon like he was. The more she returned to her old self, the less she’d rely on him, the less she’d let him…well, lay there and trace circles on her stomach.
He let out a small laugh. He’d never known she’d fall asleep so quickly after…he’d always pictured her as someone who’d pull an all-nighter. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little disappointed, but he wasn’t complaining. He’d been anticipating – and dreading the image of passion he’d conjured of her over the years, and while she certainly fulfilled all his expectations, he’d been surprised when he thought she was only taking a break and found out she was sleeping.
He hadn’t been sure he’d manage an all-nighter anyway.
Laying his head down next to hers, he found he was quite tired as well. He closed his eyes and laid his arm across her chest as his head snuggled into her shoulder. He had almost drifted off to sleep when she suddenly stirred. He was a bit too sleepy to pay attention until she suddenly sat up. Looking up at her, he saw her turned around and smile.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“Did I wake you up?”
“No, I hadn’t gone to sleep yet. You did though,” he added teasingly. She looked confused.
“Yeah, I always go to sleep quickly after…”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I guess it makes me tired, why…” He shook his head and chuckled.
“Never mind.”
“All right…” she lay back down again, closing her eyes, then looking up again after a few minutes. “You want something.” He tried to look uncertain.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about?”
“Yes you do! You want to ask me something.”
“Well…” he turned onto his back, “I do want to ask you, but I don’t know how.” She looked concerned.
“Just ask.”
“Well…sometimes I feel like it’s all good now, and sometimes I’m not sure at all. I don’t want to ask you because…I don’t want to bring it up, to pressure you into feeling better quicker, or worse, make you pretend everything’s fine if it’s not. So I wasn’t going to say anything but…I worry so much and it’s killing me!”
“Harper, I’m sorry, I…”
“No, it’s not your fault. I know you’re doing all you can and I appreciate it must be really hard for you, but…how do you feel?”
“I’m not sure how to answer that.”
“Well, let’s say it like this.” He took a deep breath. “If it was totally up to you, if no one would care if you ate or not, would you?” She looked stunned for a moment, before opening and closing her mouth a few times. He was just going to apologise and tell her not to answer it when she replied.
“I…don’t know. I don’t want to go back to the way things were, that’s the last thing I want. I’m happy things turned out like they did. But I think…I think knowing that you, Rommie and Trance are making sure that I don’t fall back there helps. Even though you don’t exactly make me eat anymore, I think it helps to know that you would.”
“So you’re only eating because we’d make you if you didn’t?”
“No! No, it’s not like that. It feels safe to know that someone cares though. If I had no one that cared enough to make sure that I didn’t…you know, then maybe I wouldn’t bother for that reason.” He paused.
“I’m not sure…I understood that, but I think it’s a good thing.”
“I think so too. I think it’ll get better as well. I still worry too.”
“You do? About what?”
“Trivial things. Same as before, I just don’t act on the worry.”
“That must be a good thing?” She shrugged and smiled at him.
“I guess it is.” She snuggled closer to him and gave a content sigh as his arms went around her, and she placed her head on his chest.
“So I shouldn’t…”
“No,” she whispered. “Don’t worry.” Smiling, she added; “it’s going to be all right.”
The End
