Her Exhibition Of Bones

Slipstreaming had been getting harder as Beka always felt so weak, but after a month of nearly pure starvation, she’d got quite used to it. The scales were telling her she’d lost a lot of weight, nearly two stones, but she couldn’t see it on her body.

“I must be even fatter than I thought,” she thought and shivered. “The fatter you are, the longer it takes to show. At least I think so.” She was dressing up for a formal dinner the crew were going to, celebrating a new world’s entry into the commonwealth. Rommie had, as usual, demanded her to wear a dress and she’d picked the least revealing of them, but it still wasn’t a substitute for her bulky sweater.

“It’ll have to do,” she fumed and brushed the skirt down roughly. She sighed and stepped out of the Maru, onto the hangar deck. The Heskartans, a very traditional species, had insisted on picking them up in some sort of special occasions ship. It all confused her, but Dylan insisted they follow the Heskartan tradition.

****

She glanced at the table in front of her. So much food! Her stomach turned at the thought of it, though partly, she wanted to ravish the table.

“No,” she reminded herself, “I’ll have some food, or Dylan will have a go at me for insulting their hospitality or something like that.” She shook her head and sat down, unfortunately placed next to Dylan. She sighed.

“So,” she said, “is there going to be a lot of speeches? Cause…uh…” Dylan glared at her and she smiled nervously. “Never mind.”

“Would you like some of this meat Miss Valentine,” a wide-eyed Heskartan waitress asked her. “It’s finest thigh of mountain dog, a delicacy among our people.” Beka smiled, trying not to show her disgust. The Heskartan continued, “we’ve also prepared some dishes we found in your database, things you humans might enjoy.” However unwilling Beka had been to go to the dinner, she had to admit, the Heskartans’ hospitality was admirable.

“Um, I’ll just pick some stuff out,” she said and smiled. The Heskartan bowed and left. She looked at the selection and gave a small sigh. There were no signs of salads, or any other low-calorie foods. Dylan cleared his throat behind her and she quickly put a few bits of meat on her plate. She glanced at him.

“What?” He smiled.

“Nothing. Just,” he leaned in and whispered to her, “the Heskartans get quite offended if you don’t like their food. It’s their pride.” Beka nodded, swallowing an imaginary lump in her throat.

“Ok,” she said, “I’ll just eat like a good girl. It’s not like it matters anyway. As long as it doesn’t happen again, it should be fine.” She determinedly cut out a bit of meat and brought it to her mouth. She retched before it even touched her lips. Dylan gave her an angry glare, but no one else seemed to have noticed. She shook her head and tried again, but this time, she just couldn’t do it. Her head was screaming “NO!”, and the piece of meat seemed to turn into mountains of lard, enormous, hundreds, thousands, millions of calories that she’d never get rid off. She dropped the fork and breathed heavily.

“I can’t believe that happened,” she thought agitatedly, “I can’t believe I…can’t eat.” She looked around desperately, hoping there might be some salad around now. She knew she didn’t have much of a problem eating that, she’d generally eat a little salad now and then, just to have something going in. She sighed in despair when there was none, and looked down at her plate.

“I can’t eat it!” she thought. She felt so pathetic. She knew she didn’t want to eat, but she hadn’t realised it was that bad. A small voice in the back of her head wondered if there might be a problem with her. She swiftly retaliated.

“No, the only problem is that I’m fat,” she thought sternly. “It’s just my subconscious trying to protect itself from looking, and being the way I am. There’s nothing wrong with me.” She cut up the meat on her plate in very small pieces and moved them around, trying to make it look like she’d eaten. Though she wasn’t too bothered, she knew Dylan didn’t want to offend the Heskartans.

****

“Beka, what are you playing at?!?” She cringed. She had hoped this wouldn’t be coming, but judging by the looks he’d been throwing her all evening, there really wasn’t much hope. She turned around, ready for what was about to come.

“I’m sorry Dylan, I…” She paused, not sure what to say. He glared at her.

“You knew how important this was,” he said. She gave him a pleading look.

“But it turned out ok, didn’t it?” He sighed.

“Yes, no thanks to you. Senator Hark asked me why you were so hostile, and I didn’t know what to reply.” She frowned.

“Hostile?!?” He nodded.

“I told you, the Heskartans take great pride in their food and hospitality. Well, let me tell you, you were an awful guest today, and I was ashamed of having you as my first officer!” Tears welled up in Beka’s eyes and she looked away, trying to hide them from him.

“I’m sorry,” she said, trying to hide the sob from her voice, “I’ll just go now.” She turned around and walked away, but Dylan stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, “I didn’t mean that. Beka, is there something you’d like to talk to me about?” She shook her head wildly.

“No,” she quickly replied, “I’m absolutely fine, why?” He sighed.

“Well, I’m no expert, but when Sarah was depressed she’d keep forgetting to eat. I didn’t want to mention it, but I’ve noticed you’ve lost a lot of weight lately. I just thought…well, if you want to talk about it, you know where I am.”

“I’ll remember that, but it’s nothing, honestly.” He smiled at her, and Beka stood, watching his retreating back, with a feeling of joy over her.

“He noticed,” she thought, “you can see I’ve lost weight.” She smiled to herself. It wasn’t nearly enough, obviously, but it was a start.

“So,” she thought, confused, “why didn’t I just say I was on a diet? People go on diets all the time? Nothing wrong with it.” She couldn’t answer her own question.