She stepped up to the mirror and slowly pulled the sweater over her head. She smiled at her reflection. After Dylan had pointed out she’d lost weight, she could actually see it and the protruding bones proved to her it was all worth it. She ran a finger along a rib, marvelling at how thin the skin seemed. She couldn’t remember it ever being so thin before. She smiled at herself in the mirror.
“Not that it’s enough,” she reminded herself, “I’ve still got some fat here,” she squeezed a bit of skin on her stomach. She undressed completely to study the rest of her body. Her hipbones were jutting out slightly. She was pleased with herself.
“I need some new clothes,” she thought, annoyed as she put her trousers back on. The only way she could get them to fit was by making new holes on belts, but the trousers would fold up when she tightened it and it was quite uncomfortable. “I don’t want to tell Dylan I need a smaller size though,” she thought. She knew losing weight was a good thing, but Dylan could be quite anal about stuff like that. She bit her lip. What to do? Then she suddenly had an idea. She raided her cupboard of all the trousers that wouldn’t fit her anymore, which was…all of them. She then started to work through them, ripping them all up.
“Now,” she thought, “how do I explain this to Dylan?” She decided to go talk to Harper.
****
Harper was working in the machine shop when Beka entered. He looked at her, and just like every other day, she looked ill. She looked so pale and Harper kept wanting to ask her what was wrong, but every time the words got stuck in his throat. She’d always been the strong one, and he believed she wanted to keep it like that. Still, she didn’t look like the strong, independent captain he knew. She looked so fragile and vulnerable, sometimes it scared him. She walked up to him.
“Hey,” she said, “I, um…sort of had an accident. Short story, I need new clothes. Wanna come shopping?” Harper smiled. She knew his weakness for buying clothes. Normally he wouldn’t admit it, it was something girls generally liked to do, but after living on Earth, wearing whatever rags he had to spare, being able to buy clothes you liked was heaven. Beka knew this, but she was pretty much the only one.
“Sure boss,” he said, “what does Dylan say about it?” She bit her lip.
“He’s been a bit weird lately, hasn’t he?” she whispered conspiratorially. Harper frowned. If anyone had been weird lately, it was her! But he wasn’t going to disagree with her now. If he could get on her good side, maybe he could figure out what was wrong.
“Uh, yeah, a bit,” he said, “but I’m sure he won’t mind us going shopping. I’ll go ask him now.” Beka smiled.
“You’re so sweet, Seamus,” she cooed. Very un-Beka-like. Harper frowned as he left the machine shop, going to look for Dylan. He really needed to find out what was wrong.
****
Beka took one last bite out of her tomato. Once she’d started to lose weight properly, she was relaxing a bit. Eating something small a couple of times every day, like a tomato or a bowl of lettuce wasn’t really going to hurt, was it? Harper came in and saw her eating. He looked relieved, but she wasn’t sure why.
“Yeah, he gave the all clear.” She raised an eyebrow.
“That easily?” she said as she swallowed her bite. He shrugged.
“He seemed to think you needed some R&R. Besides, it won’t look very good if you’re piloting half-naked, will it?” He grinned. “Actually, it would look very good…” She smacked him with the back of her hand as she laughed.
“You’re mad Harper. You really are.” He smiled at her, and she sighed pleasantly. It felt just like the old days. Before…she swallowed. She wasn’t going to think like that.
****
“So, where are we going?” Harper trailed around, looking at the different shops. Beka was a bit clueless.
“Um, you’re the shopping expert.” He shrugged.
“All right, we’ll go to this shop then.” She nodded and they went in. “So,” he said, “what size are you, and we can go have a look over there.” Beka stiffed up.
“What…size?” she said hesitantly. He grinned at her.
“I think they measure the inches around your waist. We can do that over there,” he pointed to a shop clerk. She swallowed. For some reason she didn’t want Harper to know her waist measurement.
“Why not?” she asked herself silently, “I’ve lost a lot of weight, I should be proud.” But she wasn’t. She didn’t want him to know. “Um,” she said, “why don’t you have a look at clothes you might want, and I’ll see you in a minute?” He shrugged and walked off, looking at T-shirts. She rolled her eyes. Harper already had a copious amount of T-shirts. She walked over to the clerk.
“Can I help you?” the lovely red-haired woman said in a lazy voice. This obviously wasn’t where she wanted to work. Beka shifted uncomfortably.
“Um, I’m looking for some trousers, but I’m not sure what size I am.” The woman nodded and pointed to Beka’s shirt.
“Lift it up and I’ll measure you,” she said, sounding completely uninterested. Beka threw a glance over at Harper. He wasn’t looking, so she hesitantly lifted her shirt up slightly. The woman raised an eyebrow but didn’t say a word as with a trained hand, she quickly wrapped her tape measurer around Beka and as quickly took it back off again. The woman shook her head.
“22 inches,” she said with a slight shudder, “that’s…um, I don’t think we have anything in that size. Well, you’d have to go to teens, but you’re probably too tall for them. Let me go have a look.” Beka bit her lip.
“Um,” she said, looking at the woman’s healthy slim figure. “If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do? Cause there’s no way I’m thinner than you…” The woman broke her off with a cynical laugh.
“I’m 27 inches,” she said, “oh, and whoever told you skeletal is pretty, they were lying. You should really put some weight on those bones.” She walked off and Beka sat down, her legs shaking. No way was that woman bigger than her. She had to be lying. But why would she lie about that? She shook her head and smiled. Had to go to teens! She wasn’t that thin! Beka decided the woman was probably new.
“Here we go, these are 23 inches, but hopefully they should fit,” the woman said as she came back with a bunch of trousers. “Sorry, but they were the smallest ones that would fit someone your height.” She gave Beka another glance. “Think about what I said,” she added. Beka gave her a strained smile, and walked over to Harper. She covered up the size of the trousers. 23 inches was quite small, unless you were a kid, but as it was the store that had weird sizes, there was no need for Harper to get all worked up if he noticed. After all, it wasn’t her. It was the store!
“So you got some then?” Harper said, giving her a smile. “Uh, I found some T-shirts I’m going to try on, so I’ll see you after.” He went off to the men’s changing rooms and as Beka looked around her, on impulse she grabbed a few tops of the rails. She’d never enjoyed trying clothes on before, but as she was losing weight…maybe it could actually be fun?
The trousers fit her quite nicely, and she changed her mind about the woman. Maybe she did know her job after all. They were a bit loose, but with a belt they’d be fine. She threw a glance at the tops she’d brought in. They were the kind she used to wear before, but a smaller size. She put one of them on and gasped.
“I can’t wear that!” she thought as she looked at herself. “I haven’t lost nearly enough weight yet.” Tears started to form in her eyes and she furiously wiped them away. Looking thinner wearing a sweater was all good, but skimpy tops were for the really thin people. She tried to strain a smile as she pulled the top over her head. Soon. Soon she’d be thin enough.
****
“So, you liked them then?” Harper said as they left the shop. Beka nodded.
“Yeah, they were quite nice. And you, how many T-shirts did you buy?” She grinned at him, and he gave her a mock shy look.
“Only seven,” he said. She started to giggle, then frowned. She wasn’t feeling very well. Her head was spinning, and her legs suddenly felt very weak.
“Boss?” She heard Harper’s voice, but couldn’t quite place it. Was he next to her? Or far away? She wasn’t sure, and she started seeing fuzzy as well. She tried to grab onto something as she fell, but it was too late.
The world turned to blackness.
