Beka’s eyes fluttered open, and she looked around her and sighed. She couldn’t have slept more than half an hour. She’d been going around asking people if they’d help her get off the drift. Most people just ignored her, and the people who actually answered her didn’t look as if though they’d actually let her off the ship once she was on it. She didn’t like the look of this place at night, even less than she had in the day. Sure, people you met on drifts generally weren’t lovely people, but this place was…low. It was the best word Beka could think of. All these people, they seemed like outcasts. As if there was nowhere else they could be accepted.
“Well,” she thought with a sigh, “seems I’m even worse off than these lowlifes at the moment.” She’d asked around about the Maru, but no one knew where it was. She knew she’d find it eventually, if only she could get off this drift.
“The Andromeda,” she thought briefly. “If I could contact them they’d come and help me.” She then shook her head. Her pride would never allow her to do that. It had only been a couple of days, and she was already thinking about crawling back? Nuh-uh. No way in hell. She wandered off into a more secluded area, where she could actually hear herself think.
//En ensam kvinna söker en man
Svar till: Hjärtat talar sant
En pessimist i sitt livs form
Jag vädrar blod, det luktar sorg//
A hand suddenly clamped over her mouth and a strong arm encircled her, pulling her into a corner. She tried to scream, but already knew no one would come. He forcefully drove his knee into her back, pushing her into the wall and then putting his head on her shoulder. She could smell the alcohol on his breath as he whispered in her ear.
“Hello sweetheart. Let’s have a little fun, shall we? You and I?”
//En utomjordings kärlekstörst
En undran vem som svek vem först
Ät fett och socker tills du spyr
Eller blir en fyra-tonsmartyr
Sälj dig, sälj dig dyrt//
Beka struggled to get free, but the man, although drunk, had her in a grip of steel.
“Let me go,” she whispered as tears began to form in her eyes. This couldn’t be happening. She wouldn’t let it happen. Not now, not ever.
But it was.
//Kom låna törnekronan min
Lid för konsten eller brinn
Jag slåss och håller kroppen varm
En dröm om mammas ömma famn//
He pushed her onto the ground and pinned her arms down so hard she thought he was going to break them. She sobbed quietly as tears were running down her cheeks, but this only seemed to aggravate him further. He pushed his lips against hers in something that could resemble an aggressive kiss. She tried to kick him but to no avail. He just grinned at her efforts of getting away. She swallowed hard and turned her head to the side, preparing herself for the inevitable.
//En utomjordings kärlekstörst
En undran vem som svek vem först
Och jag blir gärna en martyr
Vi behöver nog en ny
Sälj dig, sälj dig dyrt//
She couldn’t bring herself to watch as he roughly pulled his own and her trousers down. She used an old technique she’d used when her dad was on flash. She closed her eyes and pretended she was somewhere else. First she thought of the good times she’d had with her friends on the Andromeda, but that was still too hard to think about to help her block out the fear and the pain. She winced as he plunged into her with a throaty groan of pleasure.
//Ett långfinger åt döden
Vi gick över lik
Och skylta' med vår kärlek,
vårt rika inre liv
Men plåtarna till himlen
var slut när vi kom dit
Och priset vi betalat
För att klassas som elit
Var att vi blev som dom andra…
Vi blev som dom andra…
Vi blev som dom andra…//
She tried all the things people had told her about. Think of happy things, imagine yourself on a beautiful beach, pretend to be somewhere else. None of it worked. She could feel the pain from every thrust, the humiliation, the time…it seemed it would never end. Seconds turned to minutes, minutes turned to hours…the world spun around as his thrusts became faster and faster.
//Och vi kommer inte längre
Vi är tillbaks på noll
Men ingen kommer sörja
Vi har spelat ut vår roll
Vi glömmer hela skiten
Det betyder ingenting
Vi skulle kommit längre
Men räckte inte till//
When he finally released into her and pulled out, Beka had no tears left. She had no sobs left. All she had left were her feelings, balancing on turmoil inside her. The man left. He’d finished his business. But for Beka, it was far from over.
She laid there, with only her own emptiness, desperation and pain for company. When she finally slipped into unconsciousness, the night was nearly over.
//Vi blev som dom andra...
Vi blev som dom andra...
Vi blev som dom andra...//
Song by Kent