She woke up suddenly and sat up in bed with a gasp. She had a feeling something had happened, but she couldn’t quite remember what. Blinking to force the sleep out of her eyes, she yawned. She felt better. Strangely better. She hadn’t had the feeling for so long she found it hard to recognise now, but she actually felt happy. Or maybe not happy, but fine. She didn’t feel sad, upset, or scared…it was an unfamilar feeling, but a pleasant one nevertheless. She moved to leave the bed and gasped in surprise as she realised she couldn’t. One of her wrists wore a leather padded metal handcuff with a short chain fastened to the side of the bed. It seemed like she’d be able to move on and just around it, but not actually leave it. She pulled at the chain slightly, but knew it was a futile task – it wasn’t going to give. She swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. What was going on? What had she done?
“Trance?” There was no reply. “Rommie? Andromeda?” The hologram popped up.
“Beka, you’re awake!”
“Why am I restrained?” She swallowed to try to keep her voice from shivering.
“My avatar is on its way.”
“Andromeda!”
“I think it’s better if my avatar informs you of what’s happening. Why don’t you just relax for now, there’s nothing to worry about.” Beka reluctantly sat back on the bed and nervously scratched her arms. She ran over a few bumps, raised pink scars that she ignored. She didn’t want a reminder of what had been done to her, or as they claimed; she’d done. She wasn’t sure whether to believe it or not. Something in her was starting to trust that they wouldn’t lie to her, and that maybe there was something seriously wrong going on in her head, but a big part of her just couldn’t shake the feeling she’d had all along. There was someone there, speaking so no one else could hear, hurting her without her being able to see, or anyone else.
But what had happened now? The last thing she could remember was going to the obs deck with Harper. She’d been…all right. It had been the first time since she was first confined that Trance had let her leave medbay. Harper had left obs deck, saying he’d be right back. And then – then she’d woken up. Strange. She couldn’t remember anything that had happened after Harper had come back. She felt a stab of fear. Normally when she couldn’t remember things…it meant something bad had happened. The way she was restrained also seemed to strengthen that belief. She felt the lump in her throat rising. What had happened that was so horrible she had to be restrained? She sobbed as she pulled again at the chain, to no avail. Before she could do anything else though, Rommie entered.
“Beka, I’m sorry no one was here when you woke up, it must have been –“
“I’m fine,” she broke off. “I just want to know…why am I restrained?”
“Yes; that,” Rommie said and looked awkward for a moment. “Do you remember anything at all about yesterday?”
“I remember being in the obs deck with Harper,” Beka confirmed, “but after that it’s…” she frowned. “I can’t remember,” she finally confessed. “Something happened though, didn’t it?” Rommie looked even more awkward, as awkward as Beka had ever seen her look.
“I…I’m not sure how to say this but when you and Harper were in the obs deck, Beka, you shot yourself.” Beka wasn’t sure what to believe, and ended up with her mouth hanging open, just staring at Rommie.
“I…what?”
“You got hold of a gun and you shot yourself. Beka, it wasn’t anyone else, Harper was there and he saw you. He tried to talk you out of it, but he said he couldn’t communicate properly with you. In the last moment though, you moved the gun. If you hadn’t done that, you would have died.”
“So I…changed my mind?”
“It would seem that way. We’re going to try some new medication, but for now, I’m afraid you’re going to have to stay restrained. It’s for your own safety.” Beka nodded numbly as she lay down on her back, staring blankly at the ceiling. She felt…totally empty. She’d shot herself, and she couldn’t even remember it. She couldn’t blame it on anybody else; because now they knew she was the one who’d been holding the gun. Did that mean…everything else, was that her as well? Had she been the one to hurt herself? The voices, were they her imagination? She swallowed.
****
“No Tyr, it’s not all right!”
“What do you want me to do? Fall on my knees and apologise.”
“Because of your carelessness she almost died…” Dylan started. Tyr suddenly turned around, looking at him angrily.
“No! She almost died because of her. I didn’t hold the gun. You know, I thought she’d stooped low before, but now…maybe it’d be better if she had succeeded.” In a swift motion, Dylan’s force lance was pointing at his chest.
“You say anything like that again, you’re getting a single ticket to V-deck, is that understood? Oh, and I might just be too concerned about Beka to remember you’re there, so don’t blame me if you starve to death.” Tyr gave a small snort and nodded.
“Fine. I’ll be a nice little officer for you Captain Hunt, if that is what you want. I’ll…take care not to leave any more weapons around. But when you too have given up on her, don’t make me say I told you so.”
He walked out of the room, leaving Dylan shivering with anger.
