Nun liebe Kinder gebt fein acht
ich bin die Stimme aus dem Kissen
ich hab euch etwas mitgebracht
ein heller Schein am Firmament
Mein Herz brennt
(Now, dear children, pay attention
I am the voice from the pillow
I have brought you something
a bright light on the heavens
my heart burns)
Rammstein - Mein Herz Brennt
How long she’d been laying there she wasn’t sure, and somehow she didn’t care. The only thoughts rummaging her mind was the ones she least wanted, but couldn’t get rid of. The stench of alcohol near her face. His rummaging hands on her body. The pounding pain in her…she sobbed, trying to shut out the memories. It didn’t work. She almost wanted to bang her head against the stone floor, knocking herself out. Anything to get rid of the emotions flowing freely through her. She curled up in a tight ball, somehow trying to protect herself from the world outside. She hadn’t even bothered to put her clothes back on. She just hadn’t thought of it.
And that’s how she was found, three hours later.
****
“So, are we going to look for her yet?” Harper was frustrated. He couldn’t believe Beka had left, and was trying to think of valid reasons. So far, the only one he’d come up with that he felt was acceptable, was possession. Dylan hadn’t really agreed with his theory, and Harper was desperate to get the high guard captain on his side.
“Harper,” Dylan sighed, “she chose to leave, ok?” Harper’s face fell. “If she wants to come back, it has to be her choice.” Harper opened his mouth as if to speak, but Dylan was ahead of him. “She was right. It was an understanding, right from the start, that you could all leave whenever you wanted. All she’s done is exercise that right.”
“But what if she wants to come back, but is too scared? And she’s waiting for us to come and find her?” Dylan shook his head.
“Harper, why don’t you see it like this? I said she could leave whenever she wanted. Now she has. If I go looking for her, I’ll be breaking that agreement. I’ll be forcing her to come back, not letting her have her own free choice.” Harper groaned.
“But…we don’t necessarily have to force her to come back,” he said, “maybe we could just…talk to her…I mean, it wasn’t like we had a long, thorough talk about her reasons for leaving. She just did it on a whim. I’m sure if we find her and tell her how much we want her back she’ll do it. Please.” Harper looked at Dylan pleadingly. Dylan still wasn’t impressed.
“Harper,” he said, “if you can find one good reason why Beka would want to come back but can’t, I’ll consider it. For now…take some time off. I know you were close. But believe me, if Beka Valentine is the woman I think she is, she’ll be back. Ok?” He left Harper standing helpless, arms hanging down his sides.
“Is Dylan right,” he thought. “It makes sense. So why do I feel like we really, really need to go find Beka?” He shook his head. “Maybe I should go see Trance.”
****
“I’m sorry Harper,” the purple girl said, “but I’m quite sure Beka left on own accord.” Harper sighed.
“Why is everyone against me,” he complained. Trance gave him a hysterical look.
“I never said I was against you,” she said calmly, being her normal neutral self, “but I don’t think Beka was possessed.” Harper whimpered.
“So why did she leave?” he asked. She shrugged.
“Harper, I don’t know everything,” she stated. “Maybe she just needs some time on her own. Don’t worry. I’m sure she’ll be fine.” Harper left medbay, even less calm than he was before. The purple girl always knew everything. Why not now?
****
Unbeknownst to Harper, Dylan was more worried than he’d let on in front of the engineer. He sat down at his desk and sighed.
“Andromeda,” he said, “what do I do?” The hologram popped up in front of him, frowning.
“What do you mean?” she enquired. He shrugged.
“Harper’s got this feeling that we should go find Beka, and while I won’t tell him, I have it too. I know I should let her work out her issues on her own, but it feels wrong.” Andromeda sighed.
“Dylan, you can’t go after her,” she said. “You know Beka. She wouldn’t like it. She’d think you were trapping her, and if she was ever planning to go back, those thoughts would be out an airlock. You know that.” Dylan sighed.
“Yes, I know. But what if she wants to come back, but think we won’t want her to. The woman’s insecure. She probably doesn’t think we ever want her back.” Rommie raised an eyebrow.
“Perhaps. But what makes you think she wants us back?” Dylan flinched.
“Ouch.” He shrugged it off. “Maybe you’re right Rommie. But I can’t help feeling we should go after her.” Rommie straightened her back.
“You’re the captain,” she stated emotionlessly. “But I strongly advise against it. If you ever want her to come back, that is. I know I do.” Dylan gave a surprised glance at the AI. She never usually let on she cared about her crew.
“Yeah,” he sighed, “you’re probably right.” He frowned. So why did it feel so wrong?