“How are you feeling Rebekah?”
“Don’t call me that.”
“And why is that?”
“It’s not…nice.”
“How does it make you feel when I call you that?”
“Rev, stop it. You’re going all therapist on me.”
“That is the general idea. But do tell me; why don’t you want me to call you by your name?” She sighed and turned to him for the first time since he’d entered the room.
“That’s what they called me…there.”
“Ah,” he nodded understandingly. “So it brings back bad memories?”
“I suppose.” She gave a small, sarcastic chuckle. “It’s funny.”
“What is?”
“The reason I wanted them to call me that in the first place was that calling me Beka brought back bad memories from here. I can’t seem to make my mind up which is worse.” It was Rev’s turn to chuckle.
“My apologies Beka, but you must understand how offensive that seems. Although I know, of course, that you do not mean that.”
“What do you mean?”
“You are comparing your friends and the Andromeda to working in a brothel.”
“Oh, Rev, I’m sorry. I don’t mean it like that, I just…when I was there, it was hard to think of…here, because I missed you all so much.”
“I understand.”
“Rev?”
“Yes?”
“Please, I’d rather not…talk about that.”
“I understand. So how are you feeling now?”
“A bit…uncertain. I don’t like being restrained.”
“That is understandable, Trance tells me, however, that you have not made attempts to free yourself.”
“No, I haven’t.”
“And you haven’t had any memory lapses, or fits?”
“No.”
“This is a big step forward.”
“I don’t understand it. I mean; I’d have thought it hit rock bottom when I…you know, but after that…nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“No voices, no…strange feelings I can’t control. Nothing.”
“That is…curious. Perhaps the incident was a turning point for you; where something in you realized things had to get better?”
“Maybe.”
“I will speak to Trance; see what she says about letting you be off restraints now.” Beka didn’t look as happy as he’d expected.
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
“I…I’m not sure I feel safe without them. Don’t get me wrong; I hate being restrained. Absolutely hate it, but…what if they let me loose, and something happens again?”
“If you are absolutely sure you want to stay on them; but you can’t do that forever. I’m sure you do not like being a prisoner any more than we like holding you one.”
“I don’t…”
“Maybe there could be a middle ground, before giving you total freedom? We could lock the doors to medbay and make sure there is nothing here with which you could hurt yourself if something was to go wrong.” She nodded slowly.
“That might be a good idea.”
“On that note; how are you feeling about these voices?”
“The voices…but they’re not there now.”
“I mean; you only just accepted that they weren’t real. How does that feel?”
“I don’t know. It’s all so messy, I feel…kind of vulnerable. Like, I thought someone was out to get me; and if that was the case, it’d be easy to fix. I thought I just had to get you all to understand someone was hurting me; and we’d find them and get rid of them. But when it’s in my head…all that stuff, it just confuses me, Rev. It’s not someone I can beat up and get rid of.”
“Oh but you can Beka. You just need to do it in a different way.”
“Yeah, well, shooting someone’s a whole lot easier than sorting out my head.” He smiled at her.
“It’ll come Beka, don’t worry. It’ll come. Now; shall I speak to Trance about your confinement?” She gave a small nod and a smile.
****
And someone smiled just along with her as he watched the magog leave her lying on the bed. Now. Now things were going more his way.
