She was slowly getting used to it, she realised as she laid on her back in the rocking bed, under the third, and last man of the day. It still bothered her, but she could sort of disconnect her feelings, like Adna had taught her. Only thing was, she tended to constantly disconnect them, not just when she was working. It was easier that way, just to repress all her feelings on the rape, Andromeda. Just pushing them to the back of her mind, telling herself they weren’t there and strangely enough, it worked.
Sure, it probably wasn’t the best way to do things, and her methods would be frowned at by counsellors all over the galaxy. But hey, what choice did she have? She wasn’t exactly in a position to take her time and deal with her feelings. How could she deal with being raped at the same time as she had to have sex with new men every day? Not really possible, at least Beka didn’t think so. She noticed the man had finished and moaned absently, pretending to be feeling the same thing. Had it been a lover, he’d have noticed she was faking it, but men who paid for it weren’t too bothered. He got up, flashing her a smile and a small tip. She took it quickly, and hid it in the drawer where she kept her knickers. The second day of work Mariah’s father, Mr Culligan, had come in and taken her tips. He’d informed her all the money she “pulled in” belonged to him. He fed her and paid her a little, so the least she could do was give him her money. Adna had later suggested to hide most of her tips, only giving him a little. If she’d given him nothing, he’d either think she was hiding it, or that she was too bad in bed to receive anything. Neither was good, but she could stash some away for saving. If she saved up the pay he gave her, she’d be lucky to be out of there within her lifetime, but with the tips, it all added up nicely.
When the man had put his clothes back on and left, Beka swung her legs over the edge and grimaced at her body. The bruises were slowly fading, but she knew she’d always be able to see them, even when they were completely gone. Also, some of the more rough customers were set on creating new ones. She shrugged and went for the shower. Even if she was now managing to repress her feelings about her job, she still liked to wash off after every time. Not that she could ever be properly clean again.
****
Trance woke up with a start. She’d had such a disturbing dream, about Beka. She wasn’t quite sure what it meant, but it had included her friend inside some sort of burning ball, naked and curled up. She’d been screaming for Trance to help her, but somehow, she couldn’t get through the flames. The fire had been getting through the ball very, very slowly, and Trance knew, eventually it would have reached her. But before it could, she’d woken up.
She swung herself off her bunk, her whole body shivering. What could this mean? Unlike humans, on the rare occasion that Trance slept, and the even more rare occasion that she dreamt, it generally represented something. She didn’t get these dreams other people got when their brains were trying to sort themselves out and started random thoughts.
She sank down and stared out at the darkness of her quarters. So small. So helpless. Humans, they were so fragile. They thought she was small, purple and helpless, and she didn’t mind them thinking that, but compared to her, poke them with a stick and they fall into pieces. She shuddered. Still, something surprised her. What she’d felt before was normal. Worry about Beka. Hope that she’d be all right. Wishing she’d come back. But now that she felt differently, something else was playing at her mind.
Harper. With him, it was something else, something more than what the rest of the crew were thinking. A part of her wondered if he’d been feeling the same she did now, only he couldn’t quite make sense of it. Had he foreseen what would happen to her? Had he, not being quite as powerful as Trance, not understood he was foreseeing something, but just thought it was the normal feelings he’d get. No. He’d been asking them all, pleading with them all to go looking for her. She swallowed, wishing she’d believed him then. She rose. She had to go see Dylan.
****
Beka heard people talking and laughing outside. The other girls in the brothel. She sighed. Part of her wanted to go out and join them, but it would be awkward. She’d been there for three weeks and it’d be weird if she suddenly went to spend time with them. Adna had told her what she needed to know. There was already a newer girl than her, another rape victim. Mariah was with her, and it had made her realise something. She’d somehow thought Mariah would be there for her from the beginning, but she’d been taking special care of every girl in this place, hadn’t she? Why would she be so special that Mariah would stay with her? Of course not. Well, Mariah cared about every girl in the place, but there were a lot of them to choose from. One new person had arrived, one had left. Unfortunately for that girl, she’d left before saving up enough money to get off the drift. Claimed she couldn’t cope anymore and would rather take her chances hitchhiking. When she’d said it, Beka had known what would happen to her, and immediately pledged to hold out, not to leave. She hadn’t gone through all of this just to die on some bastard’s ship. She furiously wiped away a tear as she listened to the girls’ laughter. She wasn’t about to cry over not having friends among a group of whores.
“I am a whore,” she reminded herself, “and they’re the only people I’m going to get a chance to make friends with for the next few years.” She knew that. But yet, she didn’t go out to join them. As long as she’d been “the new girl”, it had been ok to keep to herself. Now, she wasn’t the new girl anymore. The new girl had already joined the others, and she hadn’t. It was too late for her now. She sank down on the bed, sighing.
“Well, I’m going to have to cope,” she told herself sternly, “because the only way I’m getting out of here is saving up money. Unless Andromeda would find me.” She decided to let her feelings about that come out, slightly, and tears filled her eyes. If only she’d never left. What would she be doing right then? She’d still have the Maru. She would still have her friends. Maybe she’d be doing her shift on command, piloting slipstream, doing the job she belonged doing. Or maybe she’d be sharing a joke with Harper in the machine shop. Maybe she’d be working out with Tyr. She furiously wiped her tears away. Damn. She knew it was bad if she was missing Tyr
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.
“Rebekah?”
